literally had 100 drinks last night.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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