Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
