Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
