i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We had sex on a dog bed..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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