Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
