I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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