Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
