i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
