Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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