We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
