He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think people are normalizing furries
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
