Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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