I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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