ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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