We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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