I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
