He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
