Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
