dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
bring money and cleavage
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
