The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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