Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
