Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
