i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
People in love make me want to vomit
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
