Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
