Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
