She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
