What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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