I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
