best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
