You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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