Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it's like heaven, but drunker
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
