Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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