It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
