he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
