READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
