The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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