I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
