I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
