there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
