OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
and you fell through a lawn chair
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
