Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
