Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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