You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
