even my farts smell like vagina
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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