Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
