Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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