dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
