cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
