I only kidnapped one of them. chill
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
