I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
