i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
